i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
