I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
