I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
