And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
