You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
