just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
