There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
