Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He did a backflip because drugs
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