Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
