can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
