just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm really into asian looking animals
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
