My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
