But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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