dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
