New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
