i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
