His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
