I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Randomize
