You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
