Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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