I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
