Already got asked if we're dating
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
