So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
