Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
