Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
