Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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