I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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