Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
