seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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