also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
