you guys were way drunker than both of me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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