So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
