he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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