brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
