I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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