hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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