I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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