How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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