I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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