She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
