he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
