i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
