Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
