My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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