Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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