My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
