How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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