Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
