My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
