Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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