I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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