He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
