I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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