I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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