You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
