Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
